Moms often complain that they don’t have enough time. But this isn’t true. We have a lot of a certain kind of time that we often don’t use very well.

It’s called waiting time.

Waiting on the dentist or orthodontist. Waiting for the practice to end or the game to start. As time passes, it’s easy to go brain-dead, surfing the smartphone or watching Nickelodeon on the pediatrician’s TV. (Don’t you feel like an idiot when you watch these blaring TVs?)

But recently I realized that this default mode leaves me unhappy. After an hour spent aimlessly surfing the internet while waiting for my 11-year-old at ballet, I felt ornery. That tiresome refrain rang in my mommy mind, “Woe is me. I didn’t get anything done.”

So I started trying to make the most of waiting time. The following strategies have improved my productivity or at least boosted my mood.

Great Ways to Wait

• Connect to Parents: Why talk on the cell when you can speak to someone live? Waiting rooms are a good place to meet other moms and get advice. At the orthodontist’s, I learned that Whole Foods has great soups to feed a child struggling with new braces. Loved that chicken noodle. Thanks Camille!

• Work: Reading something on paper in a new environment often provides a fresh take, allowing you to catch errors that didn’t surface on the office computer. Print out that business letter and review it at the dentist’s office while junior is having his pearly whites cleaned. Or review the boss’s latest strategic plan. The holes will quickly appear.

• Be Together: Don’t check email while waiting with your child. Connect! Peruse a magazine together. Poke fun at the TV show you can’t escape. When my children were younger, we played tic-tac-toe on a notepad I carried in my purse. Now I let my teen teach me new tricks on the smartphone. It’s humbling but fun.

• Read Blogs: Blogs cover every subject imaginable and their posts are free. Visit your favorites on the internet or have their latest posts ready by downloading a blog reader app to your phone. Once the app is installed, subscribe to blogs you like by clicking on their orange RSS feed buttons. Updates will then appear on your phone reader. (The RSS feed for MidAge Mom is on the upper right by the Twitter and Facebook buttons.)

• Exercise: Sitting for long periods is deadly. Move! I now do squats in a corner of the ballet waiting room. (Dance moms think this is normal.) The orthodontist’s office works for isometrics. We should all be doing kegels everywhere, all the time. Afraid I’m behind on that one. How about you?

• Research: Surf the internet but with a mission. Find a great new recipe. Price a trip. Investigate a workshop. Or go ahead – pursue that dream purchase. You can find me on B & H Photo, lusting after the Nikon D7000.

• Dream: One smart mom I know keeps her goals on her iPhone’s notes app to check during waiting time. This keeps her focused on the big picture. (She’s a life coach, so she knows how to stay on track.) Surely this beats telling yourself you don’t have time to be where you are. And I’d rather dream big than dwell on the orthodontist’s bill.

• Refresh: Often what we really need is to stare out of the window and do nothing. I feel so much better when I give myself permission to relax while waiting rather than trying to squeeze another task out of my tired brain. Breathe in. Breathe out. Try this great three-minute mindfulness meditation. Unwinding is doing something.

How Do You Wait?

I’d love to know how you use this time. Any phone apps you like? Any brain-dead habits you’d like to give up? Please comment below!

***

Did you enjoy this post? Receive MidAge Mom free by email or RSS feed. Subscribe Here.

***

Photo Credit © Bonita Cheshier/Dreamstime.com

And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.

-Simon and Garfunkel

The other day I needed to have a big cry – the kind that leaves your nose red and eyes swollen. My mother-in-law, who is 85, is gravely ill in Chicago. We’d just gotten more bad news about her condition.

But could I get it in while the kids were asleep?

It’s a dilemma familiar to many midlife moms, who often face losing the older generation while the younger one is still at home. You need to cry – wail, really – but don’t want to do it around the kids. Then when you’re alone, you’re not in the mood.

Gosh, this is almost as hard as finding time to have sex.

Timing Tears with Small Children

We need to cry. It can be good for your health, even lower blood pressure. Every mom knows how quickly a big wail can heal a child’s boo-boos. I’ve always told my daughters that there’s nothing wrong with crying.

Yet I haven’t shed many tears in front of them. (This does not count crying over sad animal stories on TV. They know I’m a sap, but that’s different.) In the past, it just hasn’t felt right or necessary.

My children were two and five when my father died. They didn’t know him well. For them the hard part was getting a handle on death. If it could happen to Grandpa, what about Mom and Dad?

Sobbing didn’t seem wise in that situation. So I stayed strong, assuring them that Grandpa Mo was fine, eating ice cream in heaven. (This made perfect sense to us and made me feel better too.) Then I tried to cry after they went to bed, though more often I sniffled over sad songs on the way to the school pickup.

Pass the Kleenex

But what suits one stage doesn’t suit another. Now 11 and 14, my girls are old enough to deal with reality. And unlike before, they know this grandparent well. So I’ve kept them informed of Grandma’s condition, which has deteriorated rapidly since she visited us over the holidays (a miracle visit if there ever was one.) When my tsunami of tears hit the other day, it felt right to let them roll, not just for me but for them.

So I sobbed. I wailed. I let it all hang out. They weren’t in the room but knew what had happened when I emerged eyes swollen and blubbery. “We all get to have the feelings we have around here,” I explained. “I’m sad. I love her too.”

You forget sometimes as a mom how great a good cry can be. My sobfest left me feeling more grounded and accepting of our impending loss. The girls took it in stride. So often the things you think will ruffle kids don’t.

And maybe it will even prove beneficial. By expressing my feelings first, perhaps I’ve made it easier for my daughters to deal with theirs when reality hits and Grandma passes away. There’s something to be said for seeing mom cry and then feel better.

There will be more tears in the days to come. That is how it should be. Grieving is a process we need to go through.

As long as I don’t enter the middle school with mascara running down my face, it will be okay.

***

Do you cry in front of your children? How have you helped them deal with the loss of a grandparent or loved one? Please comment below.

***

Did you enjoy this post? Receive MidAge Mom free by email or RSS feed. Subscribe Here.

Photo Credit © Nagy-bagoly Ilona/Dreamstime.com

Many of us midlife moms spend too much time on our butts. Sitting at the computer, driving kids, watching the game – we’re far too sedentary.

Studies find people who sit a lot at greater risk for heart disease, various cancers, obesity and other problems. They also have a higher death risk – even if they exercise often. And if you have hip or leg issues like me, prolonged sitting is terrible.

To address those problems, I recently bought a sit-stand desk. Talk about a great lifestyle change! Few purchases have been more beneficial.

Getting Off My Butt

I considered buying a standing desk for years. However, standing for long periods wasn’t appealing either. (Ask your hairdresser about her feet.) Some people log miles on treadmill desks. I couldn’t imagine walking, typing and sipping coffee.

Then a hip injury forced me off my butt.

First I tried a homemade setup, and this may work for you. My daughter had a lap desk 13 inches tall. Placed on my regular desk, it was the perfect height to support my laptop and allow me to work standing.

Normally, though, I work sitting at a computer table with my laptop plugged into an ergonomic keyboard and a 30-inch display. Standing to work on the laptop meant unplugging the keyboard and monitor and resizing windows, a tedious process. And working on the laptop keyboard hurt my arms. (Using the Kinesis Advantage Keyboard eliminated my tendonitis years ago.)

The experiment did make clear, though, that an ideal setup would encourage switching from sitting to standing often. We’re so used to working in one position. What we really need is to keep moving.

That meant looking for a desk that would go up and down easily and support my laptop, monitor and keyboard, allowing me to change position without rejiggering devices.

Shopping for an Adjustable-Height Desk

Sit-stand desks come in a variety of shapes and sizes. At 39 by 31 inches, the desk I bought supports all my equipment but is small enough to fit in the corner between my two regular desks. Electric, it goes from sitting to standing or stops at any height in between with the push of a button.

Presto! I just changed position again while writing this. Interested?

Here are tips for buying a sit-stand desk:

• Buy One that Rises Easily: You’re not going to stand if it takes two people to adjust the desk or involves laborious cranking. Consider an electric desk that rises with the push of a button.

• Research on YouTube: Videos show how these desks are constructed and how easily they adjust. YouTube is also a good source for information on building your own desk.

• Beware Return Charges: Some companies sock it to you on returns. Check the fine print and look for a reasonable policy.

• Check Durability: You don’t want to put expensive computer equipment on something that’s going to collapse. My desk is called “light duty” but it’s incredibly solid with a lifting capacity of 154 pounds.

• Consider the Vendor: Some sellers seem to be targeting large corporate buyers; their websites were Greek to me. In other cases, it wasn’t clear how the desk worked. Keep looking. There are better sources out there.

Getting Set Up

I bought my desk from Ergo Depot and was really happy. The desk cost $677 with the pricier veneer and shipped for free, making it less expensive than many other electric desks. The company has a good return policy, clear website and helpful customer service. It was one of the few vendors that offered a small electric desk.

But beware of assembling this piece of furniture yourself. Some guy on the Internet said he assembled my model in 45 minutes. Ha! It took me the whole day, partly because the base is heavy. I also got stuck in one part of the instructions.

My husband isn’t handy, and I have a stubborn do-it-yourself streak. I assembled my daughter’s entire loft bed by myself. (Five boxes. One near nervous breakdown. Such pride on completion!) However, this may be my last such project. For get this – I put the wooden top of the desk on upside down! No wonder it was so hard to screw in.

“You always mess up something. But it works out,” said the man who stepped over Ikea bookshelf parts on our first date. Gee, thanks honey!

Ah, well. The desk still works beautifully, is solid as a rock and has allowed me to write despite hip problems. Standing has been far more enjoyable than expected. And switching between sitting and standing is energizing.

Next Up: A Funky Chair

Stay tuned. Soon I’ll have even more positions to work in. The HAG Capisco chair I ordered from Ergo Depot is strange looking but amazingly versatile. With straight arms and a saddle seat, it allows you to sit, stand, perch semi-standing or turn the whole thing around and sit leaning forward. I’ll let you know whether it’s a boon or a bust.

Do you use a standing or adjustable-height desk? Any brands or home setups you’d recommend? Please comment below!

***

Did you enjoy this post? Receive MidAge Mom free by email or RSS feed. Subscribe Here.

P.S. The orchid by the desk is from my mother-in-law. Thanks Elaine!